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The physically violent husband is a battered male

(slightly edited)

© Ramesh Nair 2006

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The male naturally behaves different from the female. In the context of domestic disharmony and divorce issues, the male's reaction to domestic conflict is radically different to the female's. Males react with physical threats (noise, gestures and physical violence etc), but will not resort to crying and hysteria as a general rule. On the contrary females are likely to resort to crying and hysterical bouts even if they are actually the aggressor. Society is conditioned to respond to the latter behavior protectively and will favor the female even though they are equally capable of being physically violent, vindictive and will not hesitate for a moment to send you to jail just out of spite or to prevent access to children.

Now comes, the first, radical, thought. Society has to understand that male violence in domestic relations is actually a sign of extreme duress and distress. Evolution has made us into protectors and attackers (to defend family, hunt etc.). Men are not weepers. And weeping in women is many times just a tool (a very effective one though). Men should not be carted off into jails for what evolution designed them for.

This is not to condone extreme and repeated violence. The courts can easily separate the spouses and commence restraining orders which will effectively stop further violence. There is no need for jailing. This is waste of time and resources of the state, unfair to the natural evolutionary psychology of men and basically favors the feminist/lesbian strategy of encouraging destruction of the married relationships and child issues.

There seems to be nothing morally wrong with an abused man hitting back at someone who hurts him, whether it be a man or woman. Legally, striking a woman is a different story! The idea of forgiving a man who hits a woman is a tough sell. But apparently vice versa is not. I do not believe men should go to jail for domestic violence or for not paying child support. These are domestic and societal issues and should not be something that is settled by jailing.

Also just as repeatedly battered women keep returning to their husband, the "battering" husband keeps returning to the wife. Another radical inference - The violent husband is actually an emotionally or physically battered one. It is analogous to the crying and hysterics of the women. The husband does not leave for the same reasons that a battered wife does not. In these instances of so called wife battering there is lot of emotional and even physical husband battering going on too. If blows are traded, it is of course the woman who come worse off. Instead of being sent to jail he should be made to understand that he is the one being abused and he should be counseled and supported to consider leaving the marriage. This is exactly like a battered women would be counseled to leave her husband.

In the past, rape was a difficult issue to prove and prosecute and was considered to be a sexual offence. Feminists/lesbians made the radical change in thought that rape was violence and not a sexual act. It has become so that a women can actually have consensual sex with a man and perhaps even rape him and then later proclaim she was “raped” and send the man to jail for years. If feminists could implement such radical changes in societal values so can we.

The only way to do that is to have “scientific” psychological studies which confirm that men have to and will behave like men in domestic violence issues and therefore should not be persecuted for behaving that way. The police ( father, brother figure) can warn the man and the system should only interfere to separate repeat offenders. Such a study could be designed with questionnaires probing the emotional state of the man at the time of the battering. Does he feel emotional and physically trapped in his relationship? Why does he continue to be in a relationship which is detrimental to his own happiness and well being and that of his wife and children. I am sure that such a study will prove that indeed the vast majority of so called violent husbands are actually physically or emotionally battered husbands lashing out at their oppressor in impotent and self destructive rage!

 

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