Returning to Detroit from an academic conference, my head was
still buzzing with what I had learned from the feminists. All of them were
doing work in feminist deconstruction, and joyfully working out its implications.
Following their lead, I came to see that the organized world is a text that
expresses male domination. Furthermore, I understood that the male principle
is domination. If that text could be deconstructed, domination itself could
be overcome and the female principle -- warm, nurturant, and life-giving --
would be able to emerge.
The shuttle bus took me to long-term parking and I found my
little car, waiting for me where I had left it. Without even thinking, I opened
the door and began to get in. And that was when the thought hit me. Getting
into the car ... why obviously the car was a female and, expressing a masculinity
which I now understood to permeate me to my core, I was about to about to
enter her and use her for my own purposes in just the same way that men have
used women for thousands of years.
I stepped back from her, astonished by the power of my insight.
For I saw that there was a larger dimension involved than my simply entering
this car at this time. Indeed, it became clear enough to me in this moment,
the whole pattern of male domination over the female was present here. And
this was so perhaps least of all with regard to my entering the car and forcing
her to do my will. More important, I came to realize, was the fact that the
car itself, while clearly female, had been interpenetrated by male desires;
her beautiful feminine essence warped and degraded by the domination of the
phallus.
At that point I decided that I had to deconstruct the car; not
for her sake alone, nor even for the sake of all the females of which she
was a part, but for myself and all males as well. Crippled and driven by our
own phallic assumptions, we had been deprived of the beauty that could exist
if the female principle were allowed its sway. In a small way, I saw, I could
start here. I could remove the influence of male domination from this beautiful
car and leave her to express her female essence in a way that she, and only
she, would determine.
I began with the item that first struck my attention: the driveshaft.
Driveshaft, get it? This was obviously a penis. In the trunk was a hacksaw.
I took it out and began to cut through. It was hard work, and it was hot,
but as I gave up my doubts and hesitancies, it was as if I had discovered
a new source of energy, for the work appeared to become lighter. And, indeed,
as the hacksaw bit through the last of the metal, and as the driveshaft fell
away from the car, I too felt lightened, relieved of a weighty burden that
I had carried all my life. Now, it was plain to me, I had passed the point
of no-return. I was committed by my own actions. I could not turn back.
Next I turned to a more subtle instance of the domination of
male values -- the steering system. Think of it. You turn the steering wheel
a certain amount and the car turns by a similar amount. So rational, so logocentric,
so cold, so quintessentially male. This would never do. With my hacksaw I
cut out a length of the steering column and, in its place, I inserted an old
inner tube that I had been carrying around. Fastened to both ends of the gap
in the column, the inner tube would act like a large rubber band. Now, turn
the steering wheel and perhaps something will happen. And perhaps it won't.
So full of freedom! So intuitive! So warm! So feminine! Irigaray herself could
not have done better.
Next my attention fastened upon the wheels. The wheels, with
their fullness and roundness, seemed to me at first to be contrary to my overall
judgment. Could they be a feminine element in the car? But then my thought
led me to recognize the subtle sexism inherent in their use. For each of these
wheels was penetrated and subservient to an axle, whose bidding they were
forced to do. Moreover, it was the wheels that were burdened with the punishment
of the road. The axles needed to do nothing but turn. Master and slave. Here
it was again. Moreover, as I thought about the matter, an even deeper level
of offense made itself known to me. Each axle penetrated and dominated two
wheels. Not only were the poor wheels raped and dominated, they were devalued
as well. This could clearly not be allowed to pass. I removed the wheels from
the axles and placed them in the front seat. Henceforth, they would ride in
the position of honor that they deserved. The axles, now in contact with the
road surface, would have to endure the suffering which formerly they had imposed
on gentler others. Let justice be done. They deserved no pity.
Finally, I came to the part of the car that seemed most obviously
male. It was the engine. Gas drinker, fume maker, taking from Mother Nature
and giving back junk. This was what it meant to be male expressed in its essence.
And for what were these lovely hydrocarbons consumed ? Speed, power, the lust
of going ever faster. Competition, domination ...The male image was unavoidable.
Certainly no woman has ever been interested in stuff like that.
But as I thought about the engine the thought occurred to me
that this image of the engine serving the purpose of domination had, literally,
only scratched the surface. For when I began to think of what was going on
within the engine, my horror and my shame came unbound. For there, within
the engine, where outsiders could not see, the most terrible scenes of male
brutality occurred. The engine, I came to realize, ran on rape. The pistons
penetrated the cylinder heads and they did this each time the crankshaft turned.
This was not only rape, it was gang rape and it happened with unbelievable
speed and under the most appalling circumstances. Two thousand, three thousand,
four thousand ... up to six thousand Rapes Per Minute! And the heat, the pressure,
the sheer unrestrained violence! Tears in my eyes, I ripped the cylinder head
from the engine and placed the poor battered dear in the rear seat. Never
again would this be allowed to happen. Never.
But my new consciousness understood that simply rescuing the
cylinder head would not suffice. Payment would have to be exacted for the
crime. Moreover, punishing the pistons would not be sufficient. The entire
infrastructure of male domination that supported, encouraged, and even demanded
this outrage would have to suffer as well. The sun was beginning to set as
I took my hacksaw to the pistons, and I knew that my work had just begun.
After the pistons, the connecting rods would have to go, then the bearings,
the flywheel, the crankshaft, the engine casings... they would all have to
pay.
It was mid-morning when I cut up the last piece of the engine. My heart
relieved of its guilt, I put a plant where it had been. Mother Nature and
the car could now be one. But I was tired. The night had been long and hard.
I wished I could get into the beautiful car, now restored to her pristine
state, and drive her home. But I knew that this was not to be. I would impose
my male will on her no longer. She was free to go her own feminine way. I
began the long walk home, wondering where her path would lead her.